First TrimesterMiscarriage"We were actually amazed at how fast we became pregnant the first time. Going for our first doctor visit was so exciting, and we learned we would be having a Halloween baby. “How cool,” I thought because my birthday is on Valentine’s Day and now my first child was maybe going to be born on a holiday too. I wasn’t feeling any morning sickness at all and I was tickled to death about that. However, many who I talked to voiced their concerns about that. I couldn’t wait to go for my next doctor visit because they were going to do the first ultrasound. They were doing one a little early because I had experienced some bleeding and we hadn’t heard the heart rate yet. I was so excited but deep down I couldn’t knock the knot in my stomach. As she started the ultrasound she was very quiet but the Pollyanna in me tried to be optimistic. Finally she spoke and told me that she was trying to get a heartbeat. Still being my optimistic self I told her the baby was just being stubborn like it’s mother. Then I looked into her eyes and I knew something was terribly wrong with my baby. I wanted her to be silent and not say a word. If she didn’t talk I could hold on a little longer to what was supposed to be a joyous occasion. Then the words finally crossed her lips, “I’m sorry but the baby doesn’t have a heartbeat and the measurements don’t match up.” It was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I had always been the eternal optimist so it was hard to imagine something so terrible was happening. The emotions finally came ragging to the top and I just sobbed uncontrollably. Not long after that the doctor came in and talk to us about what had happened and what we needed to do from here. He was very gentle and sincere. He went through several options with my husband and me and asked us what we wanted to do. I was still in a state of shock and didn’t really know how to respond. Finally, I asked him, “What would you do?” He very delicately told me that if it was his wife he would have her do a D & C and not make her suffer through the emotional turmoil of letting Mother Nature finish the miscarriage. He carefully went over the procedure and exactly what would take place. Reluctantly, I decided to go through with the D&C." —Toni, Mt. Washington, now mother of two “A faint second line on a home pregnancy test—that’s all it was. The next time I tested, it was gone and a few days later I started bleeding and the baby was gone. There are several terms for it: failed implantation, chemical pregnancy, early miscarriage. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to feel sad, because I wasn’t ever “really” pregnant. I knew you could miscarry at some point in the pregnancy, but I didn’t know that it could happen so early. So to the outside world, I am a mother to three perfect girls. But on the inside, I know about the three babies that I lost along the way. I had hopes and dreams for every one of those babies. I know their due dates, I know the days of the week that I miscarried. Even when the loss is early, it is a loss. I think of those babies often, I wonder about them, who they were, what would they have looked like. And I am thankful for those babies, they taught me just how precious life really is, and how quickly it can end. Not a day goes by that I don’t think that I am the luckiest person that I know.” —Kelley, Central Kentucky, mother of three
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